We have just completed the opening weekend of the 2012 Major League Baseball season. After all of the offseason moves and team identity changes (Miami Marlins), we can finally get down to actual baseball. In case you were too busy watching Tiger Woods shit a brick at The Masters, here’s the Top 9 takeaways from MLB opening weekend:

9. If the season ended in May, the Orioles would be a lock to win the AL East.

8. Let’s hope that the Phillies’ bullpen isn’t the downfall this season that we all expect it to be.

7. The Yankees and Red Sox are both 0-3. If only there was a mathematical certainty that this would continue.

6. Ozzie Guillen contracted foot-in-mouth disease again. In other news, water is wet.

5. MUCK THE FETS…and their 3-0 start!

4. Without run support, the Jamie Moyer experiment for the Rockies could get ugly FAST!

3. Brewers LF Ryan Braun appears to still have the fans’ support after the offseason PED controversy.

2. Roy Halladay is lights out just like last season. The problem: so are the Phillies’ bats. They may want to break out the cigars and rum and have a talk with Jobu.

Last but not least, the number one takeaway from the 2012 MLB opening weekend is…

1. Who would’ve thought that Robin Ventura and Nolan Ryan would even occupy the same breathing space one day.